Trolling: the Way of the New Ugly Internet Monsters and How to Defeat Them and make you a Hero

By Randy Bolante

There used to be a time when monster and ghost only inhabited the dark corners of the Philippines. Whether it’s on the dark secludes of forest where Tikbalang lurks, or even urban areas where Mananagal eat babies. Little did we know that monsters are not arriving in our new domain: Internet.
And everywhere there seems a massive Troll invasion. Trolls are in Facebook, in YouTube, in 9gag, even trolls in supposedly intellectual sites like Wikipedia or Yahoo Answers, or even in your own backyard! No one can trust anybody these days. Trolls can vary from a complete stranger from the other side (or outside) of the planet, or even your own mother uploading your naked kiddie pix! They only have one unholy intent: to laugh while they make your life miserable in all possible digital way.

What the heck are Trolls anyway?
Well, Trolls are, in Scandinavian folklores horrid creatures who are known for their mischief and wickedness, designed to scare children (Quite true in modern parley, bad behavior towards Internet kiddos). Or according to WWW: troll v.,n. To utter a posting on Usenet designed to attract predictable responses or flames. Derives from the phrase "trolling for newbies"; which in turn comes from mainstream "trolling";, a style of fishing in which one trails bait through a likely spot hoping for a bite. (Newbies falling to a trap of pranks)

The different Troll classes, their level and their powers, AND HOW TO KILL IT! >=D
I am not sure.
It’s true. I am really not sure. Dozens of sites and persons would tell what are the different class of Trolls and their strategies that they seems to disagree what is correct and why. I wonder whether these sites themselves are trolls so that they can troll us while we desperately try to learn their own kind. But I need to write something here, unless I wanted to risk myself for beeing called a Troll and hunted down as well. So here are for me the different classes of Trolls and how they do their Trollin’.
Troll name: Attention Pawns
Trolln’ level: Weak but irritating
These are not really the basic trolls. You may notice them every day. These “Attention Pawns” are the one who comments very random link or information to a trending post just to get attention and destroy the current flow of conversation.  Whether its “Do you know that Supplement *Hilarious* can make you taller even past puberty?” post, or some ridiculous story about a girl died in an accident and if you don’t repost it, someone in your family will gonna die, or something bad luck would happened to you, or Sadako would come herself under your pillow before you sleep.
These Troll may be “Pawns” of some real sites, or maybe they become pawns of these pawns creating a domino effect of internet newbies who believe mere stories they read without real scrap of convincing proof. Other name for this kind of Troll is a spam troll. For most of the time, its just Spam they past tat keep multiplying in all areas you don’t want it to see.
How to Kill: Delete. Report as Spam. Unfriend.
Okay it may sound terrible to report them and unfriend at one notice. So comment back something like  “We’ve got a badass over here” when it goes irritating..or in the case of ghost and blackmail stuff-creepy.
Troll name: Soul-Rival Troll
Trollin’ Level: Average but Personal
You may have soulmates in the Internet. The ones you really get good with instantly without knowing them in real life. But hey, there’s also a Rival Troll. You may not know them personally, or you may know them, but the thing is, they just keep attacking you personally for some reason. Example of these is when you state “I need some inspiration today,” a flash of kick ass from nowhere would unbelievably told you “One day all you know and love will die.” Too much for inspiration eh?
They seem to stalk you. No. They seem to stalk everybody.
They may have some reason sometimes, but they often do it in a way it would hurt you emotionally, or will make you a fool to everybody.
How to Kill: Same as Attention pawn.
But then when you kill a rival, you want to squeeze some juice out of them right? So, we nneed more tools for our revenge? How about look at his profile and look for anything that you can argue to be ridiculous? How about give him spams like you’re a Troll yourself?
But remember he’s the one who started first. And when he started bad he can go wrong. A simple, “Hey, all I want is inspiration and you’ve started to out like a bad prick.” People would take sides on you. You can shame him. And he’ll go. Rival Trolls are like that. They were lone wolf, but when he sees you’ve got too much back up he’ll drop.

Devil
Trollin Level: Good and Opinionated
Ever join a forum and saw heated battle drawn by a person who just can’t backup?
These are the Devil Trolls. Their number one power: Deception.
They seem to be an unofficial spokesperson of a group who don’t seem to take sides in the extreme.  They can drag peaceful topics to hostile trash of words. A simple status of how much you enjoy KFC can turn to an environmental-animal care debate. And he seems to have an ocean of things to say about different topics with sources. He’s the ultimate attacking Troll, and there seems nothing to stop him unless you have more knowledge than him.
Go for the Kill:
Analyze first. Is he really a troll, or a No-life-academic-public-awareness-officer person? You cant win such scenario unless you are sure you have stock knowledge at hand.
Don’t feed it.
It’s the only thing that you can be sure he’ll be defeated. Go on with your discussion, or leave it. That is the classic bait. Even if you round that kind of troll with numeroud reply, he’ll just continue to fight so the best thing to do is ignore him. A troll who doesn’t get attention is a defeated troll. Look for moderator who will be tasked to clean the trolls in the forum, or if it’s your own post, simply remove him.

Remember: don’t be carried away by what Trolls say or do. Trolls will irritate you in their continued presence reasonable or not. So the best thing to do is don’t feed them. Arguing with stupid people is stupid. And just as Uncle Bilbo Baggins did, fighting the Trolls, he defeated them by ignoring them and letting them fight amongst themselves.
Oh! The Hobbits is near! Watch it! 
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